Untold Solh | From Pain to Purpose: Navigating through Life as a Queer!

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Untold Solh | From Pain to Purpose: Navigating through Life as a Queer!

I was born in Gaya, Bihar, and had a relatively pampered childhood as the youngest child. Growing up, I used to help my mother with her makeup and dress her up. It was a peaceful and carefree childhood, where I would sleep beside my mother, feeling safe and relaxed.

One day, my mother was not around, and I took the opportunity to dress myself up in her makeup and saree without realizing the implications. When she walked in and saw me, she stopped me immediately and told me never to do it again. I didn't understand why she was being so strict, so I promised her I wouldn't do it again. For the next 20 years, I pretended to conform to societal expectations.

As I grew older, around 13-14 years old, a relative came to stay with us for a few days. I didn't know him well, but he was friendly. One night, I was sleeping beside my mother, and he lay down beside me. While sleeping, I put my leg on him, and he asked me to come downstairs to sleep. I did, but he molested me. This happened multiple times over the next few days, but I didn't understand what was happening until later.

Life went on, and I moved to Delhi, where I got a job as a Consultant at Air India. I gained more freedom and started exploring the city. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I discovered the LGBTQIA+ community and began questioning and exploring my own identity. I realized I was non-binary, gay, and asexual, which brought me relief and a new perspective on why I was behaving in certain ways.

I started dressing and expressing myself more authentically, which felt liberating. However, my happiness was short-lived. I attended a pride parade, feeling proud of who I was, but my photos were shared widely, and my family saw them.

The next day, they confronted me at my Delhi home, dressed in a feminine style, unaware of their arrival. They berated me, saying things like "ye kya kar raha hai tu, tu toh meetha ban gaya??” and beat me for three hours. They took my important documents and asked me to stop this behavior. I agreed, but in reality, I couldn't hide who I was.

My family stopped talking to me, except for my mother, who somehow understood me better than the others. Later, I faced workplace discrimination at Air India, which bothered me a lot. I eventually switched jobs to a corporate setup where I found supportive colleagues.

Although I didn't have family support, I had good people around me who cared for me. I went on dates with people who understood me. My life was going smoothly, but another traumatic incident shook me to my core.

One evening, I went to a gay cruising area with my then-boyfriend. We were having fun when three men approached me, asking if I was interested in hooking up. I rejected them, and they left. Later, while in an auto with my date, they followed us and stopped the car. They brutally assaulted me, throwing something from a bottle. I initially thought it was acid but later realized it was urine. They continued to beat me, and I had a video as evidence. However, my date refused to be a witness, and the police told me that if I wanted to file a complaint, my date had to make a statement. Due to the situation, I had to drop the complaint.

During that incident, a pin got injected into my penis, causing an infection that I still manage with medication. These incidents made me realize that I couldn't let others face what I had faced.

Now, I help people in the LGBTQIA+ community find employment and even helped over 34 people get jobs. I also assist them in finding PG accommodations and let them stay with me until they settle. I actively work with an NGO to provide support to trans people, helping them live their lives with dignity and rights.

Although I am still healing from the traumas, helping others gives me the strength and resilience to keep going and find new purpose and perspectives in life.


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